“No matter what” – Niki’s story of recovery and resilience

Despite the loss of her youngest child, this woman kept her recovery intact.

“I’ve had my ups and downs and nearly six years ago my youngest son was killed in a car accident. I think that at that stage a lot of people suspected that I wouldn’t be able to sustain sobriety through that. I didn’t ever think that I would drink again but I don’t know how I didn’t because it was so excruciating, it’s still so unbelievably painful. I know you’re not ever meant to say you’re recovered but I know I am because I never drank again and if anything was going to be a test of my sobriety, it was that.”

Niki’s strength is evident from the moment she begins her interview with Houghton House, and her story of destruction before getting sober 15 years ago is relatable for many an addict. But what shines through so beautifully is her message of hope and resilience, especially when she speaks of the son that she tragically lost some years ago. Many might have used this as a plausible reason to escape their pain by returning to substances, but Niki remained resolute in her recovery. Inspiring is an understatement.

Niki’s journey to recovery wasn’t easy, as it isn’t for almost anyone who embarks on a similar one. She was once an alcoholic who could hardly go an hour without a drink, despite the negative consequences that were prevalent in her life. It was only once she was introduced to Houghton House director and co-founder, Dan Wolf, that her drinking and her life changed forever.

Early life

“I attended drama school, completed university, ventured into the world, and worked as a casting agent- pretty much the same story: numerous boozy lunches, client meetings, dozing off at my desk, and creating hell on earth for myself and my parents. Then I got married and had three children in rapid succession, during which I didn’t really drink for several years. After they started school, I found myself back to my own devices and began drinking excessively. I was in a very unhappy marriage, felt lonely, wasn’t working, and money was a significant issue. Consequently, the problem worsened; I drank literally from six in the morning all day, attempting to manage my life as I drove children, other people’s and my own, to soccer matches while I was drunk, behaving very poorly,” says Niki, recounting the many years of alcoholism before she found recovery.

Breaking point

Due to the industry that she worked in, heavy drinking was normalised but Niki took it to the extreme, resulting in her getting fired as a casting agent. This gradual loss of control over her drinking had a growing impact on her personal life and relationships. “My marriage was disintegrating and I was a particularly bad mom, I was with my children but not really with them, drunk most of the time, asleep if I wasn’t drunk, and I became abusive and violent, I did ghastly things to the children, I ended up throwing my daughter across my floor one day and bashing my son’s head into the wall on another occasion. I was just ugly and awful, I was a horrible, ugly, violent drunk, I ended up having a very serious car accident when I ended up under a truck and my husband at the time, he’s now my ex-husband, he had to bribe the tow truck driver because there was a bottle of vodka under my seat, I survived, I survived perfectly, my car was a write-off but I survived it.”

Turning point

Despite the chaos of her life and the destruction she was leaving in her wake, it was only until a DUI incident a while later, where she was arrested in front of her children, that she decided to enter a treatment programme that Dan was running at the time. “I proceeded to relapse on youngest child’s birthday and I can’t say why that was my moment but it’s 15 years ago and I haven’t ever touched alcohol or drugs since then. The journey though was longer than that because I think I was only clean headwise some years later and it took me a long time to think in a clean, acceptable fashion and for my children to forgive me. They invited me to speak at a youth camp that they went to every year and that was when I knew they’d forgiven me. I think by that stage they knew that I was actually clean and that my story potentially had some value.”

Rebuilding

Niki has a deep gratitude for having a second chance at being a mother and a daughter. She also credits a big chunk of her recovery to Dan. “So I’m grateful to Dan for so many things. He is my hero, seriously. Rigid, and incredibly unforgiving as a counsellor, but he’s the reason I am here today, I’m convinced of it.”

Recovery tools

“I wasn’t a particularly good 12-stepper but I did do 90 [AA] meetings in 90 days. I did have an amazing, wonderful sponsor who is still a friend of mine. See, I met her at a meeting and I was a mess at the time and I asked if she’d be my sponsor and she was quite hesitant at the time and she said, ‘Niki, the only thing you have to do is phone me every day, which I did for a month, every single day.’ So I touched base with her.”

Niki has also learnt to practice gratitude, even when it feels difficult. She has also developed her faith and spirituality as an ongoing pillar of strength. “I actually only really started finding a sense of true faith after, funnily enough, after Adam died. And my religion has been an enormous source of comfort to me. So did that play a part in my recovery? Maybe not. But I think it probably contributed to an ongoing sense of [being serene]; I could never be a peaceful person or serene, but as close as I could get.”

Words of wisdom

“I try really, really, really hard not to preach, but I know you can’t do it on your own. And as much as I resented the 12-step programme, as much as I thought meetings were nonsense at the time, they helped me unbelievably. Get a good therapist, go to meetings, try and work a programme, get a sponsor; all the things that we are told, they’re true. They are so true, because I think what they provide for a lot of us that we lack so much, well, most of the addicts I know lack, a sense of boundary and discipline. And so, if it gives you nothing more, there’s structure that’s brought into your life.”

Niki ends by emphasising the power of the phrase “One day at a time”, something she still uses in her recovery today. “No matter how broken things may seem, recovery is always possible.”