Four years ago I was in a sorry state. My partner was in active addiction and I was suffering and sick.
I did not know what to do any more, I was in a fight with his addiction, overwhelmed and frightened. My ultimate fears were that I might make his addiction worse or if I asked him to get the help he might choose drugs over me and leave me.
I was in turmoil. He was spending my money, he had lost his job, we did not see our friends very often. I was constantly distracted and on edge. I had threatened pleaded and made lots of suggestions and demands, but the situation just carried on and got worse.
My stress levels were high and I was not looking after myself, I was consumed with trying to control my partner and stop him using drugs and “make him better” I got more and more resentful and angry, but I had no one to talk or get advice from about our fight with his addiction.
And then he disappeared for 2 nights and I decided that I was not willing to live like that anymore and with extreme reluctance and in great fear I took a stand and gave him a choice “ leave or go to rehab”
He agreed and after a bit more negotiating, and me sticking to my heart sore decision, my partner came into Houghton House and started his recovery journey.
As he was admitted I was advised to attend the weekly Houghton House family counselling sessions.
My first reaction was “ I’m ok, he’s got the problem, not me!” but I reluctantly agreed to attend. At first I did it because I wanted to find new ways to make my partner better, to find new ways to control him and make sure he did not use.
I quickly learnt that family counselling was for me, to help me to learn new ways of looking at, and dealing with, old problems. To start looking after myself
At first some of the information I heard was hard for me to understand, accept, take in or even hear.
But I kept on coming back every week to the family counselling and slowly but surely I started to get my life back, looking after my health, my relationship with my friends and family, my work obligations and some of my long-neglected pastimes.
I realised I was not alone and that there were lots of others with similar but uniquely different problems. I got help from others, I learned what worked for me and what didn’t.
I started to learn that I could not control my partner, I could not make him better, but, I could work on what I could do today for myself and try not to worry so much about the unknown future.
And so, here I am now, 4 years later. We have had some rocky moments and a few relapses but my partner has been clean and sober for over 3 years now. I know he is responsible for his ongoing recovery, I cannot do it for him
And I have my life back. I have a strong relationship with my partner, family and friends. I walk by his side, I do not pull or push him nearly as much as I used to.
I have my life, he has his, and we have ours together, We are not so tangled up together we are not in a fight with his addiction anymore. My health has improved, my stress and blood pressure are normal again. I have firm boundaries. I can say no and I tend to stick to my decisions. I sometimes fall into old habits but I still come to family counselling on a regular basis and that helps keep me on my path.
I am grateful that my partner came into my life and I am very grateful to Houghton House for helping my partner to get started on his recovery journey.
I am also extremely grateful to Houghton House for the help and support I have received from the family counselling. It has been a lifesaver to me, mentally, physically and spiritually.
For more information on dealing in a fight with his addiction by helping an addict by not making these mistakes drugs or alcohol abuse and getting yourself into rehab to start a new life, call Houghton House now:
office hours: 011 787 9142
24/7 emergency help line: 079 770 7532