Four years ago I was in a sorry state. My partner was in active addiction and I was suffering and sick.
I did not know what to do any more, I was overwhelmed and frightened. My ultimate fears were that I might make his addiction worse or if I asked him to get help he might choose drugs over me and leave me.
I was in turmoil. He was spending my money, he had lost his job, we did not see our friends very often. I was constantly distracted and on edge. I had threatened pleaded and made lots of suggestions and demands , but the situation just carried on and got worse. My stress levels were high and I was not looking after myself, I was consumed with trying to control my partner and stop him using drugs and “make him better” I got more and more resentful and angry, but I had no one to talk or get advice from.
And then he disappeared for 2 nights and I decided that I was not willing to live like that anymore and with extreme reluctance and in great fear I took a stand and gave him a choice “ leave or go to rehab”
He agreed and after a bit more negotiating, and me sticking to my heart sore decision, my partner came into Houghton House and started his recovery journey.
As he was admitted I was advised to attend the weekly Houghton House family counselling sessions.
My first reaction was “ I’m ok, he’s got the problem, not me!” but I reluctantly agreed to attend. At first I did it because I wanted to find new ways to make my partner better, to find new ways to control him and make sure he did not use.
I quickly learnt that family counselling was for me , to help me to learn new ways of looking at, and dealing with, old problems. To start looking after myself
At first some of the information I heard was hard for me to understand, accept, take in or even hear.
But I kept on coming back every week to the family counselling and slowly but surely I started to get my life back, looking after my health, my relationship with my friends and family, my work obligations and some of my long neglected pastimes.
I realised I was not alone and that there were lots of others with similar but uniquely different problems. I got help from others , I learned what worked for me and what didn’t.
I started to learn that I could not control my partner , I could not make him better, but, I could work on what I could do today for myself and try not to worry so much about the unknown future.
And so, here I am now, 4 years later. We have had some rocky moments and a few relapses but my partner has been clean and sober for over 3 years now. I know he is responsible for his ongoing recovery, I cannot do it for him
And I have my life back. I have a strong relationship with my partner, family and friends. I walk by his side, I do not pull or push him nearly as much as I used to.
I have my life, he has his, and we have ours together, We are not so tangled up together. My health has improved, my stress and blood pressure are normal again. I have firm boundaries. I can say no and I tend to stick to my decisions. I sometimes fall into old habits but I still come to family counselling on a regular basis and that helps keep me on my path.
I am grateful that my partner came into my life and I am very grateful to Houghton House for helping my partner to get started on his recovery journey.
I am also extremely grateful to Houghton House for the help and support I have received from the family counselling. It has been a life saver to me, mentally, physically and spiritually.