Recovery Matters

Sarah’s* Manic Lifestyle On GHB

Sarah’s* Manic Lifestyle on  GHB  (gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid)

It’s an ongoing process – the party/club scene is always coming out with variations and new additions on a old theme – feel good and party drugs.

We would attend private Ecstasy parties regularly, a select grouping from our party social circle, those who could handle the excessiveness of our drug consumption, and make sure all would have a good time, you don’t want anybody losing it and ruining it for everybody too early in the evening.

The party would often start as a casual afternoon braai on a Saturday, 20 maybe 30 of us would be there for the whole weekend. Most would be drinking from early in the day, towards the evening as the music got progressively louder different drugs would be available, generally from our host. You would be offered Ecstasy capsules which you could swallow or open and chop into lines and sniff. Some would go big from the start, others only taking small amounts and building up as time went on.  As a boost, through the weekend, Cocaine, Speed and Crystal Meth were also freely available. Most of us also drank large quantities of alcohol and for those who didn’t like to drink – there would be Nitrous oxide,  inhaled until you fell into a euphoric daze. Good Times?

What changed everything was when the “G”  became the party drug of choice.  One tiny dose of this “G”  pure GHB,  would feel like 6 shots of Tequila, Ecstasy and Nitrous rolled into one. The feel-good effects would last a good 45 minutes to an hour.   It was immediate better and more intense, you felt great, alive, sensual, beautiful, energetic and able to take on the world,  and you wanted to stay that way forever.

Of course there was the down side.

A tiny bit too much, or too soon, or mixing it with alcohol, or sometimes for no apparent reason, one would start staggering, convulsing shuddering and eventually pass out. With the possibility of falling into a coma. Finally when  you do pass out you have no idea of the length of the period or any recollection of what happens during it. This is the really scary part.

Sometimes there would be random people passed out all over the place, with nobody really being overly worried, partly because we were all so out of it, we were also in a “safe” environment. Usually they would wake up within an hour feeling reasonably good, though somewhat confused as to why they were lying on the floor.
Sometimes people would not wake up so well!

Most of us would use at the party and then not touch any drugs for a while – at least until the next party, event or excuse.

I am an addict…
I would use the parties as an excuse to use drugs publicly and would secretly carry on with a daily regime of Crystal Meth and GHB between parties without my family and husband being aware of it.

Life was great.

I was in control.

I knew what I was doing.

I could do this forever.

The beginning of the end was at my dealer, who was always a little too friendly and eager to get me to take drugs with him, he offered to measure it out for me, saying “it was quite vicious and that I’d probably give myself too much”.  I’d perfected the amount of GHB I would use knowing exactly how much to give myself. Eager to get high and stupidly trusting this man to measure out for me whilst I had a line of crystal meth, I took the proffered GHB.

I woke up to find myself in my car not knowing how I got there. I had my bag, I had my drugs, the doors were locked and the keys in the ignition? It was nearing sundown and I needed to be home so that my Husband wouldn’t wonder where I was. (He had no idea of my activities). Very confused I drove home,  only to get home to a more confused and furious husband!

My dealer had circulated pictures of himself having sex with a practically unconscious person … me.

I’d been raped!

I’d been sexually abused without my consent, without even knowing it. I had to come clean and confess to my husband I was using GHB and Meth every day and convince him that I’d not given consent to this invasion of my physical self.

Now the truth was out, I was obviously using, again.
I am an addict…

I promised and convinced my husband that I would not do it again,  I’d be off the drugs and the partying.  Even then I was lying and covering up and convincing myself it was all someone else’s fault.
I am an addict…

A huge music festival was the next weekend and we had planned to go with our 11 year old son and meet friends there. We were in the crowd at the front of the festival. I needed a boost, it would take too long to go to the toilets to measure out the GHB. I guessed. I took too much.Way too much.

I passed out,  convulsing, on the grass, in the crowd, in front of my husband, in front of my son.

I saw what I was doing to my family, to my son! I cared,  but I wanted more … a lot more.
I am an addict…

I was checked into Houghton House that week to get the help I desperately needed.
I am now 6 years clean.
I am an addict…

Sarah’s* name has been changed.